My search for hope

Wandering around San Francisco this last year, at times overwhelmed with loneliness, I felt drawn to the dedicated benches across our parks.

As I sat beside the name plates, I wondered who I would become. I hoped to be someone so loved that those I leave behind write kind words about me. I hoped those words would be true.

I committed to walking throughout all of Golden Gate Park, collecting benches and their dedications. I wanted to spend time imagining the lives lost, and to figure out what I want to do with the rest of mine.

This is an attempt to face hopelessness, to give it a container. This is data collection as devotion. This is a celebration of the beauty of San Francisco, my new home.

I am responding to life’s uncertainty by building a map. Here’s what I have so far!

How it works: inefficiently, on purpose?

“The enormity of this task sometimes makes me feel a little dizzy, but as a scientist and an explorer I have a duty to bear witness to the Spendours of the World.” – Susanna Clark, Piranesi

  • I walk into Golden Gate Park with a journal, notebook and the Gaia GPS app on my phone

  • At each bench, I write down latitude and longitude coordinates (I put them into a spreadsheet later)

  • I take pictures of 1) the bench 2) its dedication 3) its view

  • I record my (sometimes aimless) routes through the park as I search for benches in gpx files

  • I use Claude to generate an interactive map & animate my walks (look here for the botanical gardens)

Dispatches from the bench

  • 3/10/25: A sweet man on a bench at the roller rink asks me how many years I’ve been doing this project. I tell him it’s only my first day, the second hour. I ask if he thinks it will take me years. Neither of us know. He said to let him know if I need anything throughout the day, that he has some drinks if I get thirsty.

  • 4/13/25: The ducks sprinted (can ducks can do that?) toward two women who walked up next to us at Blue Heron Lake. They told us they’ve been coming to feed them every day for 42 years!

  • 4/13/25: Later, I met another woman who was watching the herons build nests through binoculars. She asked if I would try to get the map published. I asked if she’d like to be in the picture and she said, “of course!”

  • 4/18/25: I sat with a man who understood I was collecting benches. He also reads every single one. He told me about his favorite, a bench for a young girl who died. It’s on the other side of Blue Heron Lake; she liked bikes. “Nora!” I replied. He told me he sometimes brings her a candle or incense on her birthday to play with from beyond, though he never knew her.

  • 4/26/25: I was collecting benches in the Rose Garden, which was in bloom, when a saxophonist set up and started playing “Dream A Little Dream Of Me.” Everything was so beautiful it felt ridiculous.

  • 5/11/25: I asked a woman if she wouldn’t mind me collecting the dedication of the bench she was sitting on and she called me strange while walking away.

  • 6/29/25: Met a man and his daughter, and they asked what I was doing. After I explained he said "have a happy life" which felt very generous. Not just one day, my whole life!

  • 9/7/25: Met a man named Doug and we sat together awhile. We talked about our love of the park, his former career in the orchestra, how to edit photos, and he gave me some coffee flavored candies to send me on my way. Once, he was sitting on the bench just behind us, for David W. Herschman, when a family approached and explained David was their son!

  • 1/11/26: At Ralph W Jackson’s bench in the Queen Wilhelmina Garden, I met a woman named Laura who also rides a Cannondale bike! She told me she's been "sitting on Ralph" for 30 years, since she moved to SF in 1997. She sits here so consistently that the gardeners will let her in even when the area is closed for planting. She knew a guy working on a book about the history of the benches in GGP! But she doesn't think he finished it– he moved to Boston.

  • 3/1/26: Weaving through the disc golf course (dodging flying objects) I met a tiny dog with humongous ears named Bruce. His owner trained him not to chase every disc, only his special one that has a picture of him on it.

  • 3/7/26: Met an artist & architect named Bill. He comes to Botanical Gardens each Saturday and has favorite benches to draw from. He used to write the dedication he was sitting at on each drawing!